By Darlin TilleryShareNewsweek is a Trust Project memberAn exhausted new father has turned to Reddit to ask whether he is wrong to expect his girlfriend to take care of their newborn so he can sleep.
The post, shared on Reddit by user drksl111, detailed his daily grind: a physically demanding job with early mornings, a long commute and the pressure of providing for his young family.
Meanwhile, his girlfriend, currently on maternity leave, sleeps through part of the baby’s nocturnal wakeups—and he believes she should shoulder more of the overnight care.
...According to the post, the original poster (OP) works full time in construction, waking around 4 a.m. before a lengthy commute. By the time he returns home in the late afternoon, he says he is drained but still takes over baby care so his girlfriend can rest.
"My girlfriend usually sleeps around 8:30 p.m-1:30 a.m.," he explained. "I found a way to put my baby to sleep around 9 p.m.-10:30 p.m. and I rest until he wakes up around 1:00 a.m. to feed [and] change diapers. It usually take an hour to do that and he fall backs asleep.
"My girlfriend expects me to wake up and help her, which I try, but she wants me to do everything. I just want her to wake up at 1 and do that instead of me since he doesn't really stay up all night when he's been fed and had his diaper changed.
"She tells me it's a team effort, but I feel so exhausted. I barely have time to rest then I have to get back to work in a few hours.
"Is this fair?"
Reddit users flocked to the comments to weigh in, with many focusing less on who was “right” and more on how the couple was framing the issue.
One wrote, “The most important thing as a new parent is that you BOTH have to understand is: you‘re in this together. The second it becomes a competition on who does what more, that will be your downfall.
"So, in order for this to work, you have to find ways to ease her workload and she has to find ways to your workload."
Another suggested a practical solution: “You don’t both need to wake up. Take turns, every other night. We did that when the babies were small and it worked really well.”
Parenting and Sleep Deprivation
Sleep deprivation is a recurring theme for new parents and has been widely documented in reporting on early parenthood.
Newsweek covered the topic, describing the strain of the newborn phase through the experience of first-time parents Madison and Matt Reid.
Reflecting on that period, Madison Reid told the outlet, “I was also recovering from my C-section, so he [Matt] was taking on as much responsibility as he could so I could heal,” showing how physical recovery can impact overnight roles during the first months.
'All-consuming'
Research and counseling perspectives suggest that fatigue can magnify conflict even when both partners feel they are contributing.
In an essay published by Childbearing.org, registered social worker Alison Holland wrote, “I underestimated how all-consuming parenting is and how little energy I would have to think about my own needs, let alone someone else’s.”
The piece notes that sleep loss and shifting roles often collide in the months after a baby arrives.
Newsweek has reached out to drksl111 for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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